March 08, 2004 - 11:57 p.m.

aaaaaaaaaarrrghhhhhhhhhh hes turned the radiators up 
and i cant think straight and im trying to do my 
essay and hes sitting there with his shirt off 
scratching his back as if im no in the room and im 
going to rip his head off and i cant do the fucking 
essay because he turned the radiators up and hes 
sitting there like he owns the place with no shirt 
and im in the corner with my jumper on. i cant think 

straight and my essays all mixed up and he mutters to 
himself and scratches and yawns as if im not in the 
room ill never get this essay done and ill hand in 
mixed up thoughts.  i could have written any old crap 
as long as it was organised thoughts but its all 
confused.

"Organisation is the realm of android paper shufflers" - sez II
Well that's MY excuse.  II need to find a job that 
requires no organisation.  II will become a wise 
man, with deciples to organise for ME.  II am not 
wise to most people, so II will seek out the 
unwise and impress them with MY memorised 
sentences.  II will say something profound by 
mistake and live the rest of MY life on the back of 
one remark, like a singer's one-hit-wonder, 
clinging on to d-list celebrity. 

"thanks to the fans for being so loyal
 
Ive got an album out this summer

the critics hated it 
but what do they know?


thanks to the fans for being so loyal"

----------_____________=-=-------_+_+
"Far away on the mountain of Ku there lived a 
spiritual man.  His flesh and skin were like ice 
and snow. His manner was elegant and graceful as 
that of a maiden.  He did not eat any of the five 
grains, but inhaled the wind and drank the dew.  He 
rode on clouds, drove along the flying dragons, and 
thus rambled beyond the four seas."
              .

              |
     .               /
             I
                  /
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        .+(`(      .   )     .--  `.  (    ) )
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)  )  ( )  ?    --'       `- __.'         :(      ))
.-'  (_.' e>        .')                    `(    )  ))
         /|      (_  )                     ` __.:'
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-..,___.--,--'`,---..-.--+--.,,-,,..._.--..-._.-a:f--.



-=-+__================---________________=-__---_
dbpodbpoodpbdobpodpbodp
"During the yuan-ting and yuan-feng periods 
[116-103bc] there were thousands of fang-shi [方
士]in the areas of Yen and Qi who protruded their 
eyes and clasped their hands, saying they knew such 
arts as those achieving xian immortality [仙], of 
sacrificial offerings and of obtaining blessings."
dbpodbpdopdopdopopppbdpdopbodbpodbpdobpdobpddbo


Grandad packed a suitcase and went to the busstop
to catch a bus to see his parents.  He had no
money and his parents are dead.

What is the value of my life now if i just end up 
confused and senile?
Whats the meaning of grandad's life when he was 
young and strong? now that he has forgotten it all

Id like to write a note to myself as an old man.
How is my mental health?  Do you remember writing 
these words?  you may deny it, but the oldman me 
isnt the real me.  The real me is now, aged 19 
tenth of march one in the morning laptop on lap 
pitch black eyes squinting at the harsh white 
screen.  Have they invented affordable jetpacks?

I wish grandad had a note i could point to.  'Its 
ok, senile grandad isnt the real grandad - the real 
grandad is the voice in these words'  

               but i dont. i have memories but i
                                         want paper.or some video.

 
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