July 30, 2005 - 1:00 a.m.

A month or so back I wrote a moving 
post about how i'd met a girl and she
changed my life. [we ate peaches and
she skinned them for me because i kept
massacring them, we lay on her bed and 
watched DVDs.] then my computer 
started rattling and the harddrive 
died. true story. 
That was back in Beijing. perhaps i 
need to move on now.

......
Well I guess i've grown up again.  I 
try every day to build up some muscle, 
but I just end up swallowing chlorine 
and staring at the tv the rest of the 
day.

There're alway dead frogs in the 
swimming pool and I can't stand it.

I need to think about jobs.  Start to 
carve out some kind of life as a man.

I watch a Chinese 武侠 fantasy called   
倚天屠龙记 every day.  Yes i'm showing 
off.  it's ok.  perhaps it will 
furnish the landscape of my
imagination with some stories I could 
tell to a kid at bedtime. 


the greatest tragedy is when i spend 
days without feeling emotional one way 
or the other.


I saw a friend i met in Thailand 
through the Messenger webcam thing.  
Its interesting to be able to 
completely stare at somebody without 
the embarassment of eye contact.  Only 
for about 1 minute, then i'll minimise 
the screen and stare at some words.  
Think about going into a chinese forum 
for learning english, correct all 
their mistakes and become some kind of 
god.


if anyone were to email me coolkid99
[atat[ asparagus doot co dot uk I'd be 
very happy, to be honest.  It's also 
my MSN Messenger id email thing.

... ..      ...
.James Tate

Five Years Old

Stars fell all night.
The iceman had been very generous that day
with his chips and slivers.

And I had buried my pouch of jewels
inside a stone casket under the porch,
their beauty saved for another world.

And then my sister came home
and I threw a dart through her cheek
and cried all night,

so much did I worship her. 

 
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